[alecE]

Just caught up with this thread, and have finally stopped laughing (I'm sure nothing's permanently strained), so:
- knife in right hand, fork in left hand (use tea spoon for the peas & gravy);
- checked my packet of "Flora Original" - margerine by any other name, but it defiantly avoids the use of the words "spread" and "margerine";
- toast rack: item designed to let toast go cold, traditionally given in bulk as a wedding present, and then re-cycled into church bazaars and letter racks;
- toast is placed under grill, toasted both sides, buttered on last side to be toasted, spread with orange & ginger marmalade & eaten whilst still hot. With practice, a production line can be set up so that as one slice is finished, the next slice is ready to be eaten. Damage to the local environment can be minimised by (a) doing this nude (carefully!), (b) locating everything so it can be reached from the shower;
- hotel toast is the pits; forget even trying to eat it, just nick the micro pots of marmalade and have a toast-fest when back at home;
- we had smooth Sun-Pat peanut butter in the 50's in UK - it needed to be stirred first as there was usually a Torrey Canyon/Exxon Valdez event on the top;
- grilling your toast is most fun way to check if the smoke alarm is still working - provided it doesn't actually catch fire you can scrape the burnt bits off with a knife

- forgot to mention, toast should be al dente, with friable innards, thereby avoiding the shrapnel effect when bitten into