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Old 07-03-2009, 05:10 AM   #8
HarryT
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Hope you don't mind a bit a friendly criticism: the story itself is well-written, but personally I'd be instantly put off it by the description of it on Feedbooks:

Quote:
So what becomes of us as we loose our faculties. Where do we go and what secrets do we learn? And do we discover that all our sacrifices were worth while?
"loose" should be "lose"; there should be a question mark after "faculties" - it's a question; "worth while" should be "worthwhile"; you really shouldn't start a sentence with the word "And" - it is a conjunction.

As the saying goes, you only get one chance to make a first impression, and, had I not looked at the story and discovered that it was indeed well-written, my initial impression would be "do I want to read an author who can't write a grammatically correct description of his own story?"

Last edited by HarryT; 07-03-2009 at 05:20 AM.
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