You're all twisted... my innocent suggestion was merely, in the absence of bathing facilities at home, to perambulate to your local municipal park and there, with much haste, find an assortment of sleeping ducks. With the Ducks thusly located, derobe nearby and with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, wake said ducks. These feathered friends now riled, can be scooped up and affixed to certain limbs by the use of rubber bands. Precede now and with much speed, to fling yourself into the waters of the lake. The ducks, in their thrashing, will act as a natural defoliant.
Simple, you see, nothing strange about it at all
