[NormHart]

We river pirates stand by Queen Zelda Pinwheel! Well, unless, of course, she prefer that we don’t, and we are concerned as to where the Snacker of Nations might choose to stand on the question. Actually I can’t really say that I represent all river pirates, exactly, but I do represent my fell crew and one trusted, if not all that useful, ally The Really Oblate Bear. ("Just call me ROB.")

Below is my crew; three angry beavers who may not look all that threatening but, once they start wearing their underwear on the outside, assume their secrete identities (Baron "Once-Bad-Then-Good-Then-Bad-Again-Now-Good-Again" Beaver, Justice Gal, and Muscular Beaver) and are a terror to all that face them. Two stark and fierce sea otters, The Dread Blue One and his Clam of Incontinence and his trollop, Seaweed and her Kelp Leaf of… err… well it is really yucky feeling. Finally last and least is Mousey Chewtoy, who may only be able to inflict very small nibbles but can withstand an unlimited chewing and tossing about in the air. Our secrete weapon is Catbert, Evil Director of Human Relations. ("I see that your review is coming up.")

Let all tremble before us, unless Queen Zelda prefer that they don’t.

Oh, yes, if someone could lend us a sail? We can't really go up rivers without one and only going down rivers isn't really all that useful but once, if you see what I mean.