My parents never hit, beat or vocally abused us. Yes, we were corrected, and yes, we were punished if we did something wrong. But, unlike the majority of my childhood friends, I was not beaten. I finished school (without the pre-resiquite baby), got a job and grew up. We had a healthy fear of what our folks (mostly dad) might do if we got caught at stuff, but none of us ever felt a hand or a belt. I ran away at 13, came home at 17 (after breaking my knee),attended school and worked part time the entire time I was out of the house. There were tense times, but again, never was I made to feel less than I was.
I guess I can't explain how what he Might have done was enough to keep us at mischevious without going full out brat, nor were we timid.... why their method worked while my friends it seems had to be beaten, verbally abused, had things thrown at them, etc.... I guess I'll never know. My folks tried to arrange their schedules so that one of them was always around after school hours and at bedtimes. Even so, one or the other was always working a 2nd job to keep us in food and clothing.
What I do know is, if you have to raise your hand to raise your child, maybe you should be doing something else. I work in an area where we see the results of people who hit when they're angry, stressed out about work, f'd in the head, whatever. These are children, babies really, that you won't see on the news, nor would you want your dinner ruined by seeing such a horrible thing. But they come in almost every day, and it's absolutely horrifying to think that human beings are put through that kind of thing regularly.
I'm sorry, but no, you don't have to hit kids to make them understand. You Do have to be there, for and with them. It's supposed to be a pact... you want kids, they come first. My mom said, it wasn't always easy, but they never limited themselves in going where they wanted, she just packed us up and away they went...and we got to see amazing things with our folks.
That's one of the main reasons I never wanted any....I knew I was too selfish with
My time,
My interests to give kids the kind of attention I got when I was growing up. If you can't do that, why have them? For someone else to raise them for ya?
I see a lot of that as well... kids raised by people paid to be with them tend to show it at an early age.... and they grow up differently than those raised by parents who care.
My nephew is one of the sweetest kids I've met. People I work with who have met him, tell me his manners are amazing, something not usually seen these days. All of this because he calls them Ms. or Mr. Name (not John or Mary), says thank you and please, and doesn't interrupt (much
). What kind of kids are they seeing in their own daily lives if one polite 6 year old can make such an impression? Sure, I'm probably a bit predjudiced, but you know... my mom lives with us, and he's around her every day....and he reminds me of all of us when we were younger.
PS- Foster families.... they can be amazing, wonderful places that care for kids like they were their own. They can also be horrible, filthy, disgusting houses where only the money coming in matters. You've got to hope that you weed out the 2nd and encourage the first.
Coming from NY, I can tell you there's nothing the state could do to raise kids well... hell, our politicians can't even grow up...