Thread: I Burn Today - by PJ Lyon (short) FEEDBOOKS
View Single Post
Old 06-15-2009, 07:17 PM   #7
Moe The Cat
Bear Melt
Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Moe The Cat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Moe The Cat's Avatar
 
Posts: 919
Karma: 5433051
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Toronto
Device: Google Pixel 6, Moto G9 Power (both with Fbreader) & Kindle PW2
Moejoe, there are several places where the opening quotation mark has a following space before the first word. For example, the first sentence states:

Quote:
“ You have been sanctioned ...
There's an extra space between the opening quotation mark and the "Y".

There are also extra spaces in front of a few commas and periods. For example, in the paragraph beginning “ The offending texts in question are ...

Also, I may have missed something, but why is the entire store included twice? I tried to compare the two stories, to see if there were any differences, but I can't find any. Is that just a typo? Is the second iteration the story written by Alfred J. Kurtz?

All that being said, I like the story very much. Thanks!
Moe The Cat is offline   Reply With Quote