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Reader and Librarian
Can I just take this out?
Oh — and can I reserve Cold Mountain?
No.
Pardon?
I said, "No". I'm not going to reserve that for you. This is far more appropriate for you.
Well, I know it's silly. I just thought I'd read some...
God-awful rubbish like you always do? Yeah, I'd steer clear of Cold Mountain if I were you. It's not like when you watched it on DVD with your "girlfriends". There's no dishy Jude Law to hold your hands through the difficult prose.
What?
Yes, it's all words. Most of them quite a lot longer than the ones you'd find in your copy of Top Santé or Gratzia.
Look at that. It's a comprehensive list of all the depressing books you've ever taken out. Do you know what that tells me?
No.
It tells me you are possibly the dullest, most dunderheaded female ever to scrape together the mental where-withal correctly to fill in a library application form. Did you have help?
Did I what!?
Shhhh! This is a library.
Just look at it. It's like the reading list of the University of Thick.
I went to Warwick.
When you talk to people, do you find they do this a lot? "Uh-huh, yeah, fine, un-huh, yeah, Mmmmm."
Well, I...
That's because they're not listening. When your friends see you, it's actually they're doing you a favour. You're like a sort of Charity for them, it's their way of giving something back. Basically, you're like him.
I'm making my donation now.
I don't believe you're saying all this...
Uh-huh, yeah, fine, un-huh, yeah, Mmmmm.
I mean, what gives you the right...
Of course, it's difficult for you to grasp. You're a real idiot. Possibly one of the stupidest people I've ever met. And I lived in Leatherhead for six miserable years. I'm getting bored just looking at you. You with your grey face and your dead eyes.
But..
Bored! Are you still here? You soporific dullard.
You're right... it's all true... my friends hate me.
There, there.
What can I do?
Yes... what to do? What to do? What to do? ....I've had a little thought.
What?
How about a little date? Hmmm? Just you and me, out and about on a little date? You'd like that wouldn't you?
Yes, I'd like that... I think I'd like to go on a little date with you. Do you think that would be all right?
Yes. A little date would suit me just fine.
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