Quote:
Originally Posted by doreenjoy
Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?
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A: Homeless.
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This might give you a giggle.
ACTUAL INSTRUCTIONS TO THE ORCHESTRA FROM PROFESSIONAL CONDUCTORS.
from E-Tales Two.
"Please don't use the depth-charge pizzicato."
"Pianissismo doesn't mean 'Drop the f... out."
"Listen to the tune, and accompany it in a non-disgraceful fashion."
"Let's see if you can pizzicato together in a non-banjo-like way."
"It's very hard to raise money for something that sounds like this does."
"You know, there's a fine line between artistry and s..t. Not that what you're doing is s..t, but it's close to it."
"Imagine you're getting enough money for what you do."
"Not so bright. It sounds like 'Orpheus in His Underwear."
"Play short, especially if you don't know where you are."
"That was a drive-by viola solo."
"There is a lot of fishing for notes. I wish you would catch them."
"You're all wondering what speed it's going to go. Well, so am I."
"Play as if you were musicians."
"Now forget all the nasty things I said and play naturally."
Cheers
