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Greg Anos · 05-10-2009, 09:47 AM

There's nothing like fishing. You're at peace with the world and at war with the fish. And if the fish win, it's still a good day...
Bubba and I were out fishing at a favorite spot of his at a particular lake. I won't say where because - 1. It'll draw crowds, 2. All sorts of fishermen (and fisherwomen) will show up and catch all the fish, and 3. - We'll lose all our peace and quiet!
Scratch that. We already have lost #3.

It was a good morning. I'd already caught 2 basses and I was dreamin' about cracking open the first Pearl of the day, when this big noisy power boat pulled up next to our Jon boat.
A guy with a megaphone blatted, "Are one of you guys Red Edward."
I looked over at Bubba. "You know these guys?"
"No. And I don't want to. You leave a wake-up call?"
"(Bleep) no. I came here to fish. I told Mindy that if anything too hot came up, she could send a message through your private switchboard. "
Bubba looked sour, "I told Patrica that I was out fishing, and that nobody short of the Pope or the Prez had better disturb me."
"Well, the Pope wouldn't send out a speedboat, he'd just walk on over and talk. Guess it must be the Prez. Shall I get the inevidable over with?"
Bubba looked even more sour, "I guess so, but if it's the Prez, I going to call him and give him a piece of my mind for ruining my fishing day."
"Now Bubba, politicans are too d-mn smart as it is, without givin' them an intellectual booster."
I cupped my hands and yelled, "Why do you need Red, Bonzo?"
The guy with the megaphone yelled back, "I've got special orders from the President to get him for a conference with the President."
I leaned over to Bubba, "I told you it wouldn't be the Pope."
I yelled back at the guy with the microphone. "How much are you payin?"
"Paying? This is the President we're talking about."
"Yeah, but I'm fishin'! If he can't pay me what a Chicago alderman gets under the table per hour, I'm gonna stay here and enjoy life. And if you're thinkin' about throwing your weight around, my buddy here'll see to it that you're sent to Outer Mongolia on a trade mission. And he ain't too happy right now to start with."
"Who is your buddy there?"
I leaned over to Bubba. "Shall I tell him?"
"Might as well. That d-mned bullhorn has scared away all the fish, anyway."
"His name's Bubba. Yeah, the Bubba who help the Prez when he was a state senator. So get on your baby football and call the White House Chief of Staff and tell him the Prez is interrupting both Red and Bubba fishin'. If the Prez still wants me, I'm charging full alderman rates. He'll know what that means. I'm gonna wait here for the response."
I reached into the cooler and cracked open a Pearl.
Bubba said, "Isn't it a bit early for the first beer?"
"Yeah, but 4 to 1 it's the last beer I'll get for a week or two. I might as well enjoy one while I can. I expect this'll be rush, rush; so go ahead and keep the bass, I won't have time to clean and cook 'em. Next time have Patricia leave the Prez off the list. At least the Pope would come out here and fish and talk like a decent human being if he needed me.
"By the way, Bubba, how did you get hooked up with the Lady who knows everything?"
"Aw, the Archbishop of Canterbury gave me a ring and asked me to do a jigger for Patricia when she went on a vacation. The Archbishop and I go back to when we were workin' on getting Terry Waite released. So I did, and we started swapping vacation coverages back and forth."
Bonzo with the bullhorn blatted back. "The president says he's sorry about disturbing both of you, but it's really is important. Just give him the account number and he'll start the pay. Both France and Pinwheel are involved, and are calling the US for help."
I gave the bullhorn a big nod.
"Bubba, can you putter us over to their boat? I don't trust a big speedboat for delicacy."
"Sure, Red."
We trolled over to the speedboat. I grabbed the ladder and climbed up.
I yelled over the edge, "We'll get together again for fishin', I promise."
Bubba nodded and started trolling back to the fishing spot.
"Alright, Bonzo. Let's go make some money...."

05-10-2009, 09:47 AM	#1
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,531 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	Red Versus The Snacker Of Nations There's nothing like fishing. You're at peace with the world and at war with the fish. And if the fish win, it's still a good day... Bubba and I were out fishing at a favorite spot of his at a particular lake. I won't say where because - 1. It'll draw crowds, 2. All sorts of fishermen (and fisherwomen) will show up and catch all the fish, and 3. - We'll lose all our peace and quiet! Scratch that. We already have lost #3. It was a good morning. I'd already caught 2 basses and I was dreamin' about cracking open the first Pearl of the day, when this big noisy power boat pulled up next to our Jon boat. A guy with a megaphone blatted, "Are one of you guys Red Edward." I looked over at Bubba. "You know these guys?" "No. And I don't want to. You leave a wake-up call?" "(Bleep) no. I came here to fish. I told Mindy that if anything too hot came up, she could send a message through your private switchboard. " Bubba looked sour, "I told Patrica that I was out fishing, and that nobody short of the Pope or the Prez had better disturb me." "Well, the Pope wouldn't send out a speedboat, he'd just walk on over and talk. Guess it must be the Prez. Shall I get the inevidable over with?" Bubba looked even more sour, "I guess so, but if it's the Prez, I going to call him and give him a piece of my mind for ruining my fishing day." "Now Bubba, politicans are too d-mn smart as it is, without givin' them an intellectual booster." I cupped my hands and yelled, "Why do you need Red, Bonzo?" The guy with the megaphone yelled back, "I've got special orders from the President to get him for a conference with the President." I leaned over to Bubba, "I told you it wouldn't be the Pope." I yelled back at the guy with the microphone. "How much are you payin?" "Paying? This is the President we're talking about." "Yeah, but I'm fishin'! If he can't pay me what a Chicago alderman gets under the table per hour, I'm gonna stay here and enjoy life. And if you're thinkin' about throwing your weight around, my buddy here'll see to it that you're sent to Outer Mongolia on a trade mission. And he ain't too happy right now to start with." "Who is your buddy there?" I leaned over to Bubba. "Shall I tell him?" "Might as well. That d-mned bullhorn has scared away all the fish, anyway." "His name's Bubba. Yeah, the Bubba who help the Prez when he was a state senator. So get on your baby football and call the White House Chief of Staff and tell him the Prez is interrupting both Red and Bubba fishin'. If the Prez still wants me, I'm charging full alderman rates. He'll know what that means. I'm gonna wait here for the response." I reached into the cooler and cracked open a Pearl. Bubba said, "Isn't it a bit early for the first beer?" "Yeah, but 4 to 1 it's the last beer I'll get for a week or two. I might as well enjoy one while I can. I expect this'll be rush, rush; so go ahead and keep the bass, I won't have time to clean and cook 'em. Next time have Patricia leave the Prez off the list. At least the Pope would come out here and fish and talk like a decent human being if he needed me. "By the way, Bubba, how did you get hooked up with the Lady who knows everything?" "Aw, the Archbishop of Canterbury gave me a ring and asked me to do a jigger for Patricia when she went on a vacation. The Archbishop and I go back to when we were workin' on getting Terry Waite released. So I did, and we started swapping vacation coverages back and forth." Bonzo with the bullhorn blatted back. "The president says he's sorry about disturbing both of you, but it's really is important. Just give him the account number and he'll start the pay. Both France and Pinwheel are involved, and are calling the US for help." I gave the bullhorn a big nod. "Bubba, can you putter us over to their boat? I don't trust a big speedboat for delicacy." "Sure, Red." We trolled over to the speedboat. I grabbed the ladder and climbed up. I yelled over the edge, "We'll get together again for fishin', I promise." Bubba nodded and started trolling back to the fishing spot. "Alright, Bonzo. Let's go make some money...."