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The scene is pure, bright, featureless, blinding white. As your eyes adjust, firstly the white changes to that strange dirty not-white white that only perpetual cleaning at a clinical institution can achieve. Next, a strange, grid-like pattern appears, dividing and texturing, as the image resolves, unsurprisingly, into a padded, white cell which has, at its centre a white bed covered in white sheets with a figure underneath tied down and wearing a white, painted fencing mask.
"nnghm gomemmn geeease nmgt gh mnnh nmmm mggh!!!" exclaimed the presumably gagged figure on the bed. Fortunately, for those of you reading this, there was an on-call dentist available to deploy his expert skills at interpreting words spoken with an incapacitated or disabled mouth. "Will someone please get me out of here!", translated the dentist.
At this point, by way of explanation, it is worth pointing out that the figure on the bed is, in fact, LazyScot, who has been intriguing the staff for some time, most notably because of a unique behaviour he started exhibiting. The symptoms of an attack are preceded by him exclaiming "ZCD: incoming!" and his eyes rotating. The actual attack was categorised by the doctors as multiple body disorder. Essentially the one LazyScot suddenly became multiple LazyScots, all arguing with himself. This particular disorder was classified as "exceptionally dangerous" when an orderly was trying to separate him from himself after a heated discussion on malts. This would not have, in itself, been a particularly dangerous except for the fact that that was when the attack suddenly ended and all the versions of LazyScot suddenly and speedily flew together and resolved back into a single body. (The orderly is still suffering from severe demophobia as a result of his experience, though most of his broken bones have healed.) However, the staff rapidly found his condition as an ideal source of research papers, and to date his condition has generated seventeen publications (all bar one of which were successfully submitted to conferences taking place at exceptionally hard to reach locations around the pacific rim – and two at previously unknown events taking place in French Polynesia). At this point, purely for his care and own safety, the staff moved LazyScot to this new room, and provided it with three orderlies who, apart from their white(ish) uniforms looked more like they should have been bouncers on a dubious nightclub in a rather rough area. All of which goes a little way towards explaining the need for the following disturbance.
From behind the door the following could be heard:
"What on earth are you? Silent huh? Well stop, now. Or I'll…. Right. Silly costume or not…" There followed the sound of something like a baton hitting fur, followed by a pause, followed by several batons hitting some fur. Then two thumps and a brief sound of running feet followed by a clump that might, for those with active imaginations have been the sound of one hurled unconscious body colliding with a fleeing bouncer.
The door opened, and in walked Pandborg-B. At least, for the purposes of the narrative we shall assume it was Pandaborg-B since he was no longer wearing the Batman uniform.
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