Quote:
Originally Posted by Sirtel
I carry the chaos and change within me, I don't need to seek it out. Perhaps that's the difference between us. There is always an inner turmoil in me, I'm never at peace, never content, no matter how stagnated my life may seem outwardly. Therefore I never feel the slightest need to challenge myself - I'm already overwhelmed as it is. Most of the time I feel like I'm sitting on an active volcano that may erupt at any moment. So I seek an outward status quo, because there will never be one within me, and I can't cope with both inner and outer chaos.
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That may be as close as we can come. You keep using the words "
never feel the slightest need to challenge myself" as though you feel that's what I'm doing. But I don't consider what I do to be "challenging" myself. I consider it not limiting myself to what might have worked for me yesterday. I don't consider it a challenge to simply notice the fact that my comfort zone may have expanded a bit. I'm not the same person I was last week--let alone when I first starting reading. So why would I seek to live, behave, and read in a manner that would only appeal to a former version of myself?