MobileRead Forums - View Single Post - Seriousness What exactly IS cheating? [Warning: Possible Adult Language]

slayda · 04-20-2009, 10:57 AM

I think that cheating is not what you think it is but what your spouse thinks it is. It has been my observation that many people who have been married for a good length of time, tend to do what they think their spouse would want them to do when in actuality their spouse may not have nearly so stringant a set of rules.

But there are many things that can take away from a marriage that have nothing to do with sex. A lady's gril friends that she spends too much time with, shopping, chatting, or whatever. (Simce I'm a man I used the woman's role here but the reverse also appliesd.) It may be that the man is a work-aholic and spends too much time away from his wife & children. It may be a mother's total absorption with her children to the exclusion of her husband.

Normally we don't call that cheating but it is IMO more cheating than some sexual affairs when they are discrete and unknown. That affair cheated no one but the exclusion of the partner did cheat the spouse. I think this is why Don started this discussion. There are unwritten rules but since they are unwritten there is no way to "fully" understand them. And yes there are unwritten contracts (usually called "oral contracts" which means they have been discussed, not just assumed that they were "understood".

We've had a nice discussion on the differences between US & EU cultures in a different thread. There are many different cultural differences, one of which is the cultural difference between men and women. The physiology differences sometimes mandate that. E.g. how many women have fussed because a man left the toilet seat up? Now how many of those same women when visiting a man's residence (where no women lived) thought to put the toilet seat back up when they were finished? I can hear the "But that's different!" statements coming from women but is it? This just shows a simple cultural difference between men and women based on different physiology. There are many others.

What I'm getting at is that those things that are "understood" are often "misunderstood".

04-20-2009, 10:57 AM	#26
slayda Retired & reading more! Posts: 2,764 Karma: 1884247 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: North Alabama, USA Device: Kindle 1, iPad Air 2, iPhone 6S+, Kobo Aura One	I think that cheating is not what you think it is but what your spouse thinks it is. It has been my observation that many people who have been married for a good length of time, tend to do what they think their spouse would want them to do when in actuality their spouse may not have nearly so stringant a set of rules. But there are many things that can take away from a marriage that have nothing to do with sex. A lady's gril friends that she spends too much time with, shopping, chatting, or whatever. (Simce I'm a man I used the woman's role here but the reverse also appliesd.) It may be that the man is a work-aholic and spends too much time away from his wife & children. It may be a mother's total absorption with her children to the exclusion of her husband. Normally we don't call that cheating but it is IMO more cheating than some sexual affairs when they are discrete and unknown. That affair cheated no one but the exclusion of the partner did cheat the spouse. I think this is why Don started this discussion. There are unwritten rules but since they are unwritten there is no way to "fully" understand them. And yes there are unwritten contracts (usually called "oral contracts" which means they have been discussed, not just assumed that they were "understood". We've had a nice discussion on the differences between US & EU cultures in a different thread. There are many different cultural differences, one of which is the cultural difference between men and women. The physiology differences sometimes mandate that. E.g. how many women have fussed because a man left the toilet seat up? Now how many of those same women when visiting a man's residence (where no women lived) thought to put the toilet seat back up when they were finished? I can hear the "But that's different!" statements coming from women but is it? This just shows a simple cultural difference between men and women based on different physiology. There are many others. What I'm getting at is that those things that are "understood" are often "misunderstood".