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Real quick piece of advice: You use "As" repeatedly to begin sentences that don't need it.
The storm crashed down on the fields.
I opened my eyes and looked at his face, it screamed with terror.
I opened the door to the great hall. The fear was gone.
The soldiers cleared out. I took a seat and waved Akiko to go.
See, such little bits of editing and style go a very long way.
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