[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Rumpelteazer

The household chores aren't the problem. My father didn't do much of those so that isn't much extra work. With the reduced opening times of the store that's doable. Luckily the store's closed on Sunday and Monday, so those are the days I do the bigger chores (mostly on Monday morning).

Sure, but Rumple...this sort of burnout is what I'm talking about, and believe me, I know it all too well personally.

The biggest problem for me is the combination of less time to myself and being on stand-by 24/7. Before my father went to hospital I would have a little time in the morning and the evenings after dinner to myself. I would spend time with my mother before work and during the afternoon on Tuesday to Friday (when I normally work mornings). But since I work now more often and my father isn't there to keep her company in the evening until to went to bed. To not let her get lonely I go downstairs earlier and I stay with longer in the evenings.

I think your mum is around my age, I believe--she's a grown woman, she knows how much you're taking on and she probably doesn't really need babysitting. I know that at our ages, we all look ancient to you, but really, we're not. (smile). You're doing too much and she will know that. Just...breathe and take some time for yourself.

Due to stress I'm more tired at night (especially on days I visit my father) so I really don't have the energy to do any of my hobbies except watch some TV. I try to do that on Sunday morning. I'm also back to being on stand-by 24/7, so when my mother needs something she can't do she can call me to come do it for her. It doesn't happen very often, but I'm still not able to really relax in the evenings when I'm on my own. It will sound egotistical, but I miss my alone time most, I need that to recharge.

Many of us do. I know exactly what you mean. Even if it's only 30minutes, I need that time each night, after the rest of my household is asleep (not counting the puddies), to get that quiet time. Even if it's not enough time to "do" anything, it's peace and quiet. I GET IT.

About getting help, that won't happen. My father doesn't want that for various reasons. In the past you could get help from council, either to help with cleaning or medical help. But even before Covid there has been a shortage of people working in that business, but now it's even worse and the government expects the family to do more. Since I live at home that's up to me, also "my sister's got her own life".

Then you know what? Don't do it. I realize that you have an unusual living situation, for whatever reason, but just don't do the housework. Unless the place starts to descend into filth--which I feel is highly unlikely--don't do the damned housework. For Dad to expect you to do it, on top of everything else, and for him to refuse/decline to even find outside assistance--that's...well, I'm not going to say what I think it is, but foot, it's time for you to be put down FIRMLY. I mean, unpaid slave much?

In principle my father won't be allowed to go home until he can take care of his own basic needs; get up and dressed, take showers, prepare breakfast and lunch, etc. You read everywhere that it's important to start doing things you can at home as soon as possible and even start getting some light exercise, like short walks. However, when my father isn't feeling well he has a tendency to either sit still behind the computer and/or spend long times in bed.

Well, recuperation and physical restoration are hard work. When we feel lousy, most of us would prefer to hibernate or nest in bed. This is true especially when you're a bit longer in the tooth. Is there anyone--mom, your sister, his buddy Fred or whatever--that can get him to try to walk up and down the street, or the like?

That happened after his cycling accident two years ago and last year when he was getting used to his diabetes diagnosis and his new medication. I'm afraid he won't take responsibility for his own healing until he's forced to go to the heart rehab program in six weeks time. Trying to motivate him, what my sister expects me to do, will only lead to him getting angry and still not doing anything.

Not sure that there's really much you can do about this, given everything you've said. Your dad seems to be pretty immovable.

Late May my sister and I books a long weekend away. Both my mother and father have said that will happen, even if we have to close the store for two days. But if my father won't do anything to get fit again for the next six weeks I don't see that happening for me (again, egotistical to worry about that).

Hell, go anyway. I mean, seriously, you are not a slave and curtailing your own "me" time or you and your sister's "us" time, if he refuses to get fit...at some point, you have to stand up for your own rights. He's a grown man, an adult and he has to live with the consequences of his own actions or inactions. Why should you forego your vacation, when by all measures, he should be fine in 6-8-ish weeks, if he follows his recuperation plan? Honestly, there should be no reason he shouldn't be able to open the store, at least half-time, for those two days, in 1.5-2 months.

I've been through this (almost exactly) with Mr. Hitch and even though, psychologically, it's a bit unnerving (mortality and all that), seriously, in two months, he hardly knew he'd had an attack and he did BUPKUS for rehab. BUPKUS, trust me. Some people (particularly males of the species) will leap up, get fit, eat right and all that, but IME, the majority just keep on keeping on, with whatever lifestyle that they had before. I managed to get Mr. H on my WaterRower a few times, for a few weeks, but it bored the crap out of him and eventually, he just stopped (when the terror wore off, I suspect). Offered FWIW.

Hitch