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I feel ya.
My mom has had dementia for about 4 years now. This last year she has been living in a nursing home. We (I and my sister) had to make this decision, because she couldn't be left alone at all anymore and physically she was in good health, so nothing stopped her from moving about, leaving water running or the stove turned on and so on. Her memory was gone for the most part, even her muscle memory. I lived with her and took care of her to the best of my ability, but that was not enough, as I had to work and sleep, and so did my sister. Part-time carers here aren't really less expensive than a nursing home.
At least Mom isn't aggressive and doesn't need to be locked up, only constant supervision and help. She seems to be in good mood most of the time, walks around in the nursing home, talks with people, watches TV. They have a resident kitten there too. Mom still recognized me the last time we visited her (in October), but not my sister anymore. She no longer talks about home at all, I guess she remembers very little now.
These decisions are difficult and living with yourself after making them is even harder. I got a major depression after Mom left home. Our home is so empty now without her and the whole thing seems awfully unjust to her. She isn't even that old, only 84. Why did it happen to her? Why does it happen to anyone? No one knows.
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