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I have decided to aid my fellow man with... Elemental Controlle--olle-olle!
I will go forth and mitigate all weather disasters... bring rain to the deserts and arid lands... reverse global warming... reduce the mighty floods... turn rusted metals in landfills to fresh new steel... breakdown all plastic refuse to mulch... re-orient oil so it burns clean as hydrogen... no, wait, I'll just make hydrogen easy to capture by waving a thermos through the air... yeah! Yeah, that's the ticket!
Then, it's on to converting all the nuclear waste to oats, barley and hops... party at my place tonight! I'm supplying the beer! The excess carbon in the atmosphere is now... ozone! Enough to plug the hole! (Wherever it is this week.)
What's left? Oh: I'm turning this spam into... steak! And that filet'o'fish into... steak! And these old tires into... tube steak! and...
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