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I got back home after a good chewin' out by the queen about Hugo and Lefty's travelin' companion. I managed to patch things up with Her Majesty, which resulted in a lot of target practice.
I got to the office the next morning, needin' to close the final thread of the case. Or cases.
"Mindy, I got to do a conference call with a client, so I'll be unavailable for about an hour."
"Try not to snore too loudly."
"Does it show that badly?"
"It does."
"Ok. Just don't fry me, I'm too worn out to dodge."
I went back into my office, propped up my feet, and called Steve Jordan.
"Howdy, Steve, I got some progress on those pirate T-shirts. I shut down the ring in Arizona."
"Great, Red. What do I owe you."
"The truth. Why did you pirate yourself?"
"Huh. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Now Steve, you left a paper trail a Cub Scout could follow. So why do you hire me to shut down the pirates you had hired in the first place. Inquirin' minds want to know. And don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking' about. The first thing they teach you when becomin' a P.I. is never trust the client."
A long silence.
"I needed the money. But I publicly made such a big deal out of making money out of writing only, I couldn't go back on my word."
"So if somebody else did it, you could get some money, and still look virtuous. And when the deal didn't work out as profitable as you'd hoped, you'd have a dumb P.I. bust the ring, recover the T-shirts left over and sell 'em yourself or give 'em away to charity, gettin' the free publicity and still lookin' virtuous, 'cause you were sellin' captured pirate stock, which you didn't have anything to do with, right?"
"I need to talk to my lawyer."
"Now Steve, it isn't illegal to defraud yourself. It's just embarassin'. But you shouldn't have left Hugo and Lefty as the fall guys. That caused way too much heat. I've spent a week soothin' ruffles feathers. Don't worry, I left your name out.
"So what are you goin' to do, Steve? Leave the T-shirt down the mine shaft, and I'll forget the whole affair. Admit that you're now sellin' T-shirts, and I'll forget the whole affair, as well. But no false virtue, it cheapens the real McCoy." I thought about DesertGrandma, going to take on the whole world for her husband.
"I'll think over my options."
"Do that. Meanwhile, I'm markin' your case as solved, no fee required. Think of it as professional courtesy."
"Thanks, Red."
I hung up and loaded my .22 with BB Caps and started plinkin' at FDR...
Fin
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