[Greg Anos]

I went out of the mine shaft with L's cellphone until I got a signal. I punched the three stars for Zed's emergency line. I got Zed's bark right off.
"All right L, what's the emergency?"
"Well Zed, this isn't L. It's the Pearl of you ulcer. We need a chat."
"Where's L. And who are you?"
"I'm hurt. After 10 years you don't even remember me. I'll give you a hint, a talkin' dog."
A short pause and then a burst of profanity. "I'll make a brillo pad holder out of your hide, Red!"
"Now, now, Zed, is that any way to greet an old friend."
"The only friends you have are buzzards."
"You left out rattlesnakes. And Gila Monsters. I believe you know some of those."
That got his attention. "What about Gila Monsters."
"Zed, some of your tourists don't have any sense. I don't mind myself, and I understand your need for quiet but some of your boys have gotten a little too frisky doin' their cover-up here. I'm just tryin' to do a peaceful settlement of the hooraw here. You know L still holds a grudge for that limp. I can't seem to get him to show any human kindness at all. Bustin' up a happy marriage is somethin' even a MIB shouldn't ought to do."
A deep sigh at the other end. "Alright, I know I'm gonna regret this, but what's the beef."
I told him about the Gila Monster and the kidnappin'.
"Now Zed, I think I've got the cause of the neuralizer not workin'. I've already passed it on to L, and asked him to let the innocent bystander go. He hasn't done anything to anybody. L's just been a horse's backside. So I called you to see if we can work out a prisoner swap."
"Let me guess, you've got L as your prisoner."
"Right in one, Zed. I'm just tryin' to get this quietly put to bed, so I can catch a Ranger's game and go home. So far, the Black Helicopter boys have been easier to deal with."
"They have less responsibilty. Let me call the Arizona station and cross-check your story. If it holds up, we'll do the swap. Have you killed anybody?"
"Me, Zed? You know I'm a peaceable man. Now the captured man's wife got a bit edgy and bounced a frying pan off'n one of you agent's noggin, but I made sure he got taken to a hospital pronto. He was breathin' we I left."
Another burst of profanity.
"Now Zed, when somebody pulls a gun, he'd better understand that people don't consider it a peace offerin'. If L had just been willin' to listen to reason, instead of sendin' gunnies out to do more kidnappin', there wouldn't have been any flyin' frypans. You need to give that boy a refresher on public relations."
"You mean after kidnappin the husband, he tried to kidnap the wife?"
"Yep, it they both disappeared, things would be real quiet. So he figgered. But the wife had hired me to get her husband back, and L knew it. Not to interfere with your business, just to get her husband back, intact."
"I guess you have a reasonable beef, after all."
"I think so. So if you'll cross-check with your station, and call me back. We'll get this show on the road. And Zed."
"What?"
"Can you give me a mailin' address for L's hardware. I don't really want to give it up until this Mexican standoff is over. Nothin' personal, but I don't trust L or his buddies."
"Ok, find a safe spot and leave it, then call this number," He gave me a cell number, "and tell the person at the other end of the line where it is."
"Sounds great. I'll await you call."