[Greg Anos]

After gettin' watered and loaded up, I pointed the Jeep at the Lazy Lizard. There was a car parked near the mine shaft, so I parked on the other side from it.
"Now gang, I'm gonna take point goin'. That's what I get paid for. I hope to keep this to a minimun of disagreement, so don't start bangin' away at anybody unless I say to or it's obviously gettin' out of hand. And last, but not least, don't shoot at the socks, no matter what. I want to get paid."
"That's what I like about Red, that modest demeanor." VR told DesertGrandma.
I ignored it. "Single file goin' in. VR, you take the rockin' chair, DesertGrandma, you're rear guard. Kinda keep a lookout behind us and keep your purse handy. OK?"
"What are we going to do with L?"
"Good question. We'll lay him out on the back seat. Since the cloth roof is already up, he should be in shade for an hour or two. After we're done pickin' up Hugo and Lefty, we'll haul him in the mine with us. Any further questions?"
No further questions. "Let's roll."
I started singin' just to pass the time, and announce our presence. "I owe, I owe, It's off to work I go."
As we went into the mine, I turned on my flashlight. First thing I saw was a sign painted with warehouse on it and a fellow sittin beside it. He flipped on a camp light, pointin' up.
"Who are you and what do you want here? This is private property."
"Yep, this here property is real private, exceptin' I expect you don't have a valid lease from the property owner, nor anybody else. My handle's Red. I'm here to see your bosses. We're old friends."
"If you're old friends, maybe you can describe them."
"Sure can. A pair of talkin' socks, named Hugo and Lefty. They're from the Kingdom of Pinwheel."
"Red, you've been out in the sun too long. Socks don't talk."
"Not normally. These are a special exception, just like my little friend here."
Since the conversation was goin' nowhere anyways, I figgered it was time to get things movin' again.
He looked at my silencered .22. "It that thing loaded?"
"Well, I say it's got six full wadcutters in it. It you don't agree and want to sample the merchandise, I can oblige you. As you said, this here is a real private place. Now, how about you gettin' up nice and easy, and let's head back into your warehouse. By the way, where's your co-worker?"
"What co-worker?"
"Now, are we gonna play the dumb clerk game again? It's not a lotta fun the second time 'round. Besides, Hugo and Lefty aren't gonna like being kept waitin'."
"He's moving inventory to a huckster table at the local science-fiction convention."
"You'd best be right, else we're liable to have a merchandise swap right here in the mine."

A little deeper in the mine was a bend and some crates of what looked like t-shirts in the flshlight.
"Ya'll got some more lights?"
"Reach around to the left wall."
"DesertGrandma, catch up and check for lights."
The clerk said. "You didn't say you had friends."
"You didn't ask."
DesertGrandma and VR caught up. She waved the left wall with her flashlight and spotted the switch. She flipped it and then there was light. I heard a couple of voices.
"Why did the lights come on?"
"I don't know, Hugo. Weren't we suppose to sleep?"
"That's what the boss said."
"When are we ever going to get enough money to go home with?"
"When they sell enough T-shirts to send us to Red."
"I miss the sock drawer, Hugo. I want to see the Queen again." Followed by some snifflin'.
I sorta located them by their talkin'.
"Howdy boys. Hear that you been lookin' for me."
In unison, "Red!"
I looked over at the clerk. "See, I told you we were old friends. Now I'm gonna do you another favor. In about one hour, there's gonna be all sorts of Fed's and cops and such pourin' in around here. I'd hate to see such a nice fellow and your co-worker mixed up in such a bad situation, so why don't you get into your car and kinda wander off for a couple of hours. Besides," as I looked down at a T-shirt, "This here is not an authorized edition of the these T-shirts. Ya'll wouldn't want to be caught with illegal merchandise, would you? What with all them Federales comin'."
"You may have a point there. I'm just a hired hand, but the Feds might not believe me."
"Yep, they can be sooo narrow-minded at times. I'll deal with them. You can come back when the heats off. I promise I won't take any of the T-shirts out of the mine. 'Course I can't guarantee anything the cops do."
"You don't mind if I wander along now?"
"Car's where you left it, untouched. Just don't get any ideas about playin' John Wayne. It gets awful messy."
The clerk left, accelerating as he approached the mine entrance.

I turned to the boys. "How do you like the West?"
"It's awful expensive, Red."
"We didn't have enough money."
"And people looked at us funny when we asked questions."
"How'd you boys get over here in the first place?"
"A friend on MobileRead told us where to mail ourselves. He said we could see America while we sold T-shirts. But we didn't have money to go back with."
"We didn't pack any."
"Right, Lefty."
"So we were trying to earn postage."
"How much did you boys accumulate?"
A little change rattle on a box. "See, eight cents."
"No Hugo, 27 cents."
I saw two nickles and three pennys.
"We need a dollar thirty seven."
"Well, don't worry. I'm gonna take you back to Queen Zelda personally, and give you a tour of my office. You can meet both Mindy and Mrs Slocum, and see a private eye at work."
"Ohhhh."
"Meanwhile, you can talk to VivaldiRules."
"He's here?"
"The Queen was awful worried and sent VR to find you. So, of course, I had to help him out."
"We didn't meant to worry the Queen."
"Maybe you'll remember that the next time you get the itch to travel. People worry when they don't know where you are." I waved at VR. "Here they are, safe and sound. Now I gotta start finishing DesertGrandma's fix."