@NamKK: Windows 7 ships with a PowerShell version that is too old to run this script. I thought I'd managed to convince it not to kill the window so that warning would be readable, but, apparently not.
(It's also EoL, but, that's admittedly another kettle of fish).
Windows being Windows, there are approximately seven billion terrible ways to install a recent PowerShell version on there.
Going with the latest probably means the least amount of stupid cruft will make the trip with it.