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"People whose motives are pure should eschew it..."
If we want to continue down the micro-triggered, perpetually offended path, that phrase above where you are telling people to change their words to match your view of things sounds a bit condescending to me. You are implying that if we don't eschew the phrase, then our motives are not pure. I'll agree to disagree on that.
FWIW, I totally agree with you on the offensiveness of "Look, lady". It's hard to imagine that one in anything other than a condescending context. "Look, mister" is not much better. I can usually let those go with the understanding that I am talking with someone who has no more valid arguments to offer, and is kind of on their last breath before starting to shout out obscenities or initiate a fistfight. I might be able to imagine one of those phrases as part of a sarcastic joke, meant to be humorous, but ending up being cringe worthy. In that case I wouldn't jump right to unpure motive, I'd maybe take a smaller step to "should have thought it through a little better". It's good to keep an open mind and not immediately question motives. One of my favorite phrases is "Don't attribute to malice what can be explained by stupid." Of course that's sarcastic humor, but the point is obvious. Not everything that turns out bad was intended to be bad.
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