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MoeJoe...that's funny. You seem to have the same eye for the dramatic that I do. It's been a while since I wrote single sentence paragraphs and the like. I hadn't even gone back to re-edit this yet. I was just so excited to touch this story for the first time in close to three years. I'm a fan of the pace increase, not entirely sold on the bold/italics that you suggested though. I think on a third read through I may have reworded it the same way.
Have you checked the rest of the preview edition yet?? I appreciate your feedback and its a great help to point out oopsies and prose tightening...
For the lurkers, I'm hoping to update the excerpt by Sunday with several new rewritten chapters. If there's short stuff I can post here for feedback you can be sure it'll be here first.
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