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The problem with your dinner party analogy is that a dinner party is a one-off. Here we are talking about women who, day after day, month after month, had a particular job in common. In looking at their histories, it wouldn't have been all that difficult to pinpoint that association, even if there was as yet no proof of causality.
I cannot get past the fact that, early on, the men in the labs had protection from the radium, while the women dial painters did not. If there's enough science to tell you that exposure to radium is potentially harmful, it should be enough to tell you that ingesting it is also potentially harmful, regardless of the quantity. But we're just not going to agree.
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