[Steven Lyle Jordan]

Can't see... lights are too bright...

INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!

Okay, that sounds seriously not good! I'd better-- OW!

"Mister Worf, stand down! You've just knocked down an old man!"

I'm... only 48...

"Pick him up! I'm Captain Jean Luc Picard, Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Who are you, sir?"

I'm--OWW!

"Mister Worf!"

"Sorry, sir, but he was reaching for this weapon!"

"Weapon? It looks like a key fob. I repeat, who are you, sir?"

My name is Steve Jordan... I'm an author and futurist...

"How did you get here?"

I really wish I knew...

"Captain... it's all right."

"Counselor? Are you sensing something from him?"

"Yes: I sense confusion, disorientation... and a lot of pain..."

"Worf!"

"Captain, he is who he says he is... an author. But... I don't know if I'm interpreting this right, but he thinks he's from another dimension!"

Yeah... that's about it...

"We have been exposed to the mirror universe before, Captain. If he is from there, he is probably devious and dangerous! I recommend we secure him in the brig until we ascertain his true origins!"

"All right, escort him to the brig, and we... hold on. You said your name was... Steve Jordan?"

Yeah... can I stand up straight, now?

"Worf: Heel. I remember a Steve Jordan, from ancient Earth. As one of the earliest authors to experiment with e-books, his were some of the only writings from the early 21st century to survive the chaos after the Eugenics wars."

Yeah?

"Yes! I'm sure the ship's library has your books."

Well... nice to be remembered...

"I believe they are all listed under 'humor'."

"Captain, I sense his pain is coming back."

"Yes, apparently you had some... colorful ideas about the future. But you didn't foresee the discovery of Dilithium, or the first Human-Vulcan meeting... you didn't seem to think we'd even be able to converse with alien races!"

"Grrrr..."

"Worf. Well, I don't think this... author... is a threat to anyone... except maybe himself. Oh, Worf, you can give him back his toy."

Thank you. You know, everyone thinks you all are a lot more... congenial... back home.

"That would be the early 21st century, yes? Well, considering how Humans back then were all selfish, murdering sociopaths without the sense to even stop polluting their own atmosphere, I suppose it's no surprise that you would misinterpret our friendly actions for aggressiveness."

Uh-huh. Excuse me.

"What are you doing?"

Hoping I don't end up on the Red Dwarf next.

"Sir! He's vanish--"

oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

Omigod, I'm blind, I'm--

Oh, no. The lights are just off. Hey... this is a small room... like a closet. I'd better stop pushing my luck with this keyfob, before I end up materializing inside a wall or something.

Speaking of which, let's get out into the light. Here's the door... it's stuck. Force it... wait. What if there's a vacuum out there? What if I'm on the Nostromo or something, and there's an alien out there?

"What makes ya think there isn't one in here?"

Well, this place's awfully small, and-- GAH! Who is that?

"I'm the guy who gave ya the MQRBDTMOT."

Where are you?

"Down here, ya dipstick! Does the word 'short' ring a bell?"

I prefer 'altitude-challenged'... oh, yeah. Hey, man, what the hell's going on with this thing? First I show up in a weird Bizarro world, then I'm on the Serenity, then I'm on the Enterprise--

"Yeah, it's a strange universe, isn't it? Full of ideas, cooked up by a universe full of people... many of whom thought up the same ideas before ya."

Whachoo talkin' bout, little guy?

"I'm talking about these notions of yours that ya invented the perfect future before everyone else, ya numb-nuts! And acting like yer sooo muucchhh smaaarrtterrr than everyone else because ya thought up words like 'fractalmonic'. Big deal!"

But... 'fractalmonic' is cool...

"Lissen, hot-shot! It doesn't matter what fantastical future universe ya thought up. I'm telling ya now, someone else already thought of everything ya got! What matters is the story ya tell, and how well ya tell it! And lucky for ya, ya tell a decent story!"

Um... thanks?

"Yer welcome, mook! So stop bein' so smug an' uppity, and just sit back and enjoy the ride!"

What ride?

Ya hadda ask?... HA!

No, the door... AAAAAAAAAAA.............