[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Hitch, it's not the saliva that's the humorous thing. It's that Lainey is in a fight for her life and she's "having fun."

And potential readers will be reading the blurb before they read the book.

IF you mean the description, that's a quantum assumption. You have no way to be assured of that. Did someone blurb you? Something that will go on the cover, from Carl Hiaasen or the like, saying it's an over the top romp????

Some say she’s a sociopath. Some say she hates men. Some say she just loves animals.

Lainey Tripper is a whiskey-drinking hard-living animal rescue feminist. But she has just this one little problem: she can’t seem to stop killing men. Not all men are so bad, and not a few of them are attracted to her, but when Lainey leaves a rescue, dead men are invariably left in her wake.

Lainey heads FART (Feminist Animal Rescue Team), a group of women dedicated to stopping the villainous Donovan from oppressing women and animals. But now Donovan, intent on world domination, has taken his evil to a new level. He’s systematically stealing Chicago’s dogs to sell them to a foreign power.

In Lainey’s enthusiasm to stop Donovan, she again kills a lot of men. Her fellow FARTers plead with her to moderate her man-killing tendencies, but Lainey’s pretty sure any guy she kills deserves it, and besides, she must do whatever it takes to save Chicago’s dogs.

Will Lainey stop Donovan in time? And when she’s done, will any men be left alive?

Yes, Gregg--you keep giving us basically the same description, over and over, with small tweaks, telling us that the book is an over-the-top spoof and I guess my issue really comes down to the same-old, same-old scenario, in writing--you're telling me. You're not showing me. Your opening does NOT show me that this is an over the top spoof, not by any means. You seem to be relying on people going with it, because you think you've told them that it's a romp.

You mean to tell me people won't know it's an over-the-top spoof from that?!

You know, if I thought it was in the bag, would I be wasting my time discussing it?

And here's the first three paragraphs.


“Give up, scumbag?” Lainey Tripper had the thug in a headlock. She hadn’t been in a fight like this in ages and was having fun. The guy’s warm saliva ran down her forearm. He was drooling, choking. “Well, do you!”

“You’re dead, Tripper,” the thug muttered. “When Donovan hears about this, you’re dead meat.”

Donovan again, Lainey thought. She should’ve known. All the evil in this town was tied to Donovan somehow. The guy wouldn’t stop until he ruled the world, so it should come as no surprise he was the evil mastermind behind the dogs disappearing from Chicago. The blind peg-legged dirtbag. Lainey pulled a knife from a pocket in her business suit. She had to open the knife with one hand, and the blade locked in place. “You don’t deserve it, especially since you’re one of Donovan’s scumbags, but I’m giving you one last chance to live.” Lainey was knocked forward, tumbling over the man, into a glass case, the glass shattering, trophies cascading down on top of her. “Holy crap!”

Here's my question--when you say "over the top" and "spoof," you do mean humor, right?

Are people, including after reading the blurb, now thinking, 'Hmm. Donovan, a blind peg-legged dirtbag is stealing Chicago's dogs, this sounds like a realistic story...'

No, of course not, but you're counting on the idea tha they will instantly say, "oh, of course, it's an over the top, funny spoof!," rather than what today's readers are are more likely to think--"this is just a sh***y book written by another cr***y author."

Because it's NOT obviously humorous or satiric. All the satire is in the description, not the opening. I don't particularly find anything "funny" or "over the top" about the fact that your protag enjoys the fight--what's funny or humorous or even satiric about that? I don't get your humor, maybe.

And my critique group gets it. My beta readers got it. (Not all of them liked it, as they're used to my serious thrillers but they got it. No one said a word about the violence or pets.) It's only here that I'm encountering resistance.

Thanks.

Then, they "get it" because they know you? The real job of a critique group is to help you find the cracks in the work. Right?

Sure, maybe it's me. Maybe it's only me, Cin, BookCat, DoubleShuff, and the other people who've posted here, but if it were me, and I was getting this same feedback, from everyone here who'd taken the time to read my description and my proposed opening and my proposed cover, I would byGod stop and think that maybe my critique group was blowing smoke up my @$$. I'm not trying to be a cow, Gregg, but...I am NOT feeling this. I'm commenting solely to try to stop you from getting bad reviews, because other people buy your book and feel like the concept, the cover, and the delivery are WILDLY different.

Hitch