Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitch
Gregg:
Following up on BookCat's post, here's my question:
Are you operating under the belief that this opening paragaph:
...is going to convey to the prospective reader that this is a comedy? Or, rather, Black Comedy or dark humor? Do you think that's a humorous or ironic or satiric paragraph that telegraphs that to the reader?
I'm asking because of what you said, that "[you] don't think anybody reading that can mistake the book for anything but the silly romp that it is."
Somehow, I skimmed over that, until I read Bookcat's post, and then I went back and re-read your post.
I'm sorry, and yes, I realize that this thread was supposed to be about the cover, not the book, but there is really nothing "silly romp-ish" about that opening paragraph. It sounds like an unintentional badly-written thriller. The saliva does nothing to ameliorate that--it is, in fact, the part that comes off as (unintentionally) badly-written. Not humorous. I realize that it's not easy to say everything you're trying to tell the reader, in a single pair of sentences, but...it's not there yet.
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Hitch, it's not the saliva that's the humorous thing. It's that Lainey is in a fight for her life and she's "having fun."
And potential readers will be reading the blurb before they read the book.
Some say
she’s a sociopath. Some say she
hates men. Some say she just loves animals.
Lainey Tripper is a whiskey-drinking hard-living animal rescue feminist. But she has just this one little problem:
she can’t seem to stop killing men. Not all men are so bad, and not a few of them are attracted to her, but when Lainey leaves a rescue, dead men are invariably left in her wake.
Lainey heads
FART (Feminist Animal Rescue Team), a group of women dedicated to stopping the villainous Donovan from oppressing women and animals. But now Donovan, intent on world domination, has taken his evil to a new level. He’s
systematically stealing Chicago’s dogs to sell them to a foreign power.
In Lainey’s enthusiasm to stop Donovan,
she again kills a lot of men. Her fellow
FARTers plead with her to moderate
her man-killing tendencies, but Lainey’s pretty sure any guy she kills deserves it, and besides, she must do whatever it takes to save Chicago’s dogs.
Will Lainey stop Donovan in time? And when she’s done,
will any men be left alive?
You mean to tell me people won't know it's an over-the-top spoof from that?!
And here's the first three paragraphs.
“Give up, scumbag?” Lainey Tripper had the thug in a headlock. She hadn’t been in a fight like this in ages and was having fun. The guy’s warm saliva ran down her forearm. He was drooling, choking. “Well, do you!”
“You’re dead, Tripper,” the thug muttered. “When Donovan hears about this, you’re dead meat.”
Donovan again, Lainey thought. She should’ve known. All the evil in this town was tied to Donovan somehow. The guy wouldn’t stop until he ruled the world, so it should come as no surprise he was the evil mastermind behind the dogs disappearing from Chicago. The blind peg-legged dirtbag. Lainey pulled a knife from a pocket in her business suit. She had to open the knife with one hand, and the blade locked in place. “You don’t deserve it, especially since you’re one of Donovan’s scumbags, but I’m giving you one last chance to live.” Lainey was knocked forward, tumbling over the man, into a glass case, the glass shattering, trophies cascading down on top of her. “Holy crap!”
Are people, including after reading the blurb, now thinking, 'Hmm. Donovan, a blind peg-legged dirtbag is stealing Chicago's dogs, this sounds like a realistic story...'
And my critique group gets it. My beta readers got it. (Not all of them liked it, as they're used to my serious thrillers but they got it. No one said a word about the violence or pets.) It's only here that I'm encountering resistance.
Thanks.