[Hitch]

Gregg:

To be fair, this comment is not really related to the cover, so feel free to ignore it, if you wish.

I know what you meant, in a way, about the Buddhist Monk thing, and the other internal comment that your character had that was somewhat unusual or outrageous. We are supposed to intrinsically "know" that these are outrageous, funny things...but we don't.

Why?

Because we don't know you as an author yet. If I open a book from Spider Robinson, or Carl Hiaasen, those statements (thoughts) made by your character wouldn't make me blink. I'd take them in my stride, and I'd know that it's intended to be humor, or something outrageously silly or hyperbole (by the character).

BUT...we don't know you. (I mean, "we" as new-to-you prospective readers.) We don't know this is humor. Thus, what happens is these statements yank us out of the flow. A criminal offense, in writing, as you know. We're reading this very violent fight scene, and then, these bizarre statements are dropped in...and it shakes us from the suspension of disbelief. BAD.

So, I think that in your new introductory scene, you need to ease into the humor, so that by the time your readers are at the end of that, and headed for the fight scene, they're primed for the dark humor, and Laine's Mary Sue superpowers/skills.

I don't know if this helps, but...I hope it might.

Oh, and howza 'bout PEP? Protecting Earth's Pets???? The members could be Peppers?

Hitch