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Old 01-17-2018, 05:00 PM   #162
Catlady
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitch View Post
I think, if it were my book, I'd change that last line to someething like:

"...this one little problem: wherever she rescues, dead men follow."

Or...

"...this one little problem: wherever Lainey goes, dead men follow."

I think that lends a bit of mystery to it; it preps the prospective reader for the idea that she may well be a murderess, but...it's a bit less blunt, I guess? Or stark? I realize you are trying to prepare them for the violence, but...I dunno, that one line just sort of irks me.
That sounds like a zombie book.

Rather, something like: "... wherever Lainey goes, she leaves dead men behind."

Or: "... wherever Lainey goes, animals are safe but men are dead."

Quote:
I still do NOT know why you are stuck on IWS. I can only surmise that it very specifically means something to YOU, something that you won't repeat or whatever. 'Cuz, it's not playful or fun or...anything, it's just kinda there. I don't understand why you are resistant to the idea of making something new for it, something that you can make hay with. Almost anything, really.
Ditto. And now "Animal Rescue Feminists" is right in the title, for gosh sakes!
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