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Old 01-17-2018, 02:28 PM   #159
Cinisajoy
Just a Yellow Smiley.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell View Post
Thanks Hitch. Well, they're not all sideways but those two are and I'll tweak that. And I kind of like the blue but I'll experiment with your suggestions. I think I found the key to preparing the reader for the violent first scene thing though. I don't like the new first scene I suggested because it will be a slow start, whereas the first scene I have now is a grabber. Writers like me (think Tim Dorsey) with violent protagonists have playful covers, so if I find those niche readers not only will they not be shocked by the violence, they will be expecting it. Even so, this tweak to the blurb I think will prepare anyone for the violence in the first scene. (It's just a new first paragraph.) Here it is:


Some say she’s a sociopath. Some say she hates men. Some say she just loves animals.

Lainey Tripper is a whiskey-drinking hard-living animal rescue feminist. But she has just this one little problem: she can’t seem to stop killing men.

Lainey’s the head of the IWS, a radical feminist animal rescue group dedicated to stopping the villainous Donovan from oppressing women and animals. But now Donovan has taken his evil to a new level—he’s systematically stealing Chicago’s dogs. In Lainey’s enthusiasm to stop Donovan, she again kills a lot of men. Her fellow IWS members plead with her to moderate her man-killing tendencies, but Lainey feels the men deserve it, and besides, she must do whatever it takes to save Chicago’s dogs.

Will Lainey stop Donovan in time? And when she’s done, will any men be left alive?
Lose the seem to.
Either she is killing men or she isn't. No seems to it.
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