Oh, Hitch, my dear Hitch. You need a padded room, a large intoxicating beverage of choice (I can recommend some good single malts!), and a bit of BC's largest agricultural product. And hanging in the middle of that padded room, a large piņata shaped like a book that you can beat on! And when it breaks open, it will spill out USB sticks with nothing but perfect ePub, mobi, and docx files on them.
My sincere sympathies! Even a noob like me knows that PDF is the FINAL format, not the starting point if one has any choice at all. But to jerk you around, go to try and undercut you, and then jerk you around some more? It's probably a good thing that your business is online.
