MobileRead Forums - View Single Post - TARGETED BY TWO NEIGHBORS FROM HELL: A True Story about Lies, Sabotage, and Murder At

alexjames4u · 08-21-2017, 04:37 PM

Hi Cinisajoy,

Wow!!!

Talk about pulling no punches, "In all honesty, your book as it is right now would get a D in an English class. You made me want to bring out my red pen. I do see potential in you.

My advice is take it down immediately. Redo it. Suggestions to follow."

I trust you did see the following paragraph in my introduction; I don’t’ doubt there’ll be issues caused by this work’s piece-meal make-up and by the fact that it was rushed to meet a deadline, so I apologize. Its piece-meal make-up is reflected in the fact that several issues crop up several times throughout this work (evidence of writing on said issues at diverse and disparate times, sometime years apart, and putting these yarns together to form this account).

Previously, the same paragraph went on to compare the piece to Frankenstein's monster, and also to say there wasn't even time to proof-read the thing. But that sentence was cut out when the 'book' idea resurfaced - i.e. after the piece had served its primary purpose (the reason for the rush in 'completing' it).

I see your point where the names; 'enemy 1' and 'enemy 2,' seemed to confuse you, though the main recipients of the shorter version seemed to have no trouble there, as one even asserted that the monikers were fitting, considering the fact that one enemy was more prominent and long-standing than the other. Ironic that you'd find this your biggest obstacle and the issue most confusing, while another person aired the complete opposite to that opinion. Nevertheless, I respect your views, and I appreciate the fact that you offered constructive criticism.

Not sure I'll be able to address the changing of names in a 200 page piece, but I'm sure I'll be taking the thing down to at least address the paragraph spacing (i.e. double instead of single). But, obviously, my physical spacing of the chapters is not enough, so I'd appreciate if you could advise as to how to achieve a better system which would pass muster in the likes of your Kindle.

I'm sure it would have beeen more to your liking if it had originally started life as a book. But it is what it is, as I'd taken great pains to point out in the introduction. It's not a thrilling suspense novel, but some have read it and thought it might have been as interesting for others as it was to them. And that's the reason why it was offered as a book, hoping the caveats in the intro would suffice in alerting the reader as to what to expect - or, more importantly; not to expect a suspense novel (especially with me going out of the way to encapsulate the gist of the story in a nutshell, at the very beginning).

Thanks again.

Cheers.

08-21-2017, 04:37 PM	#7
alexjames4u Member Posts: 20 Karma: 377234 Join Date: Aug 2017 Device: none	Hi Cinisajoy, Wow!!! Talk about pulling no punches, "In all honesty, your book as it is right now would get a D in an English class. You made me want to bring out my red pen. I do see potential in you. My advice is take it down immediately. Redo it. Suggestions to follow." I trust you did see the following paragraph in my introduction; I don’t’ doubt there’ll be issues caused by this work’s piece-meal make-up and by the fact that it was rushed to meet a deadline, so I apologize. Its piece-meal make-up is reflected in the fact that several issues crop up several times throughout this work (evidence of writing on said issues at diverse and disparate times, sometime years apart, and putting these yarns together to form this account). Previously, the same paragraph went on to compare the piece to Frankenstein's monster, and also to say there wasn't even time to proof-read the thing. But that sentence was cut out when the 'book' idea resurfaced - i.e. after the piece had served its primary purpose (the reason for the rush in 'completing' it). I see your point where the names; 'enemy 1' and 'enemy 2,' seemed to confuse you, though the main recipients of the shorter version seemed to have no trouble there, as one even asserted that the monikers were fitting, considering the fact that one enemy was more prominent and long-standing than the other. Ironic that you'd find this your biggest obstacle and the issue most confusing, while another person aired the complete opposite to that opinion. Nevertheless, I respect your views, and I appreciate the fact that you offered constructive criticism. Not sure I'll be able to address the changing of names in a 200 page piece, but I'm sure I'll be taking the thing down to at least address the paragraph spacing (i.e. double instead of single). But, obviously, my physical spacing of the chapters is not enough, so I'd appreciate if you could advise as to how to achieve a better system which would pass muster in the likes of your Kindle. I'm sure it would have beeen more to your liking if it had originally started life as a book. But it is what it is, as I'd taken great pains to point out in the introduction. It's not a thrilling suspense novel, but some have read it and thought it might have been as interesting for others as it was to them. And that's the reason why it was offered as a book, hoping the caveats in the intro would suffice in alerting the reader as to what to expect - or, more importantly; not to expect a suspense novel (especially with me going out of the way to encapsulate the gist of the story in a nutshell, at the very beginning). Thanks again. Cheers.