Quote:
Originally Posted by Katsunami
I don't know your or your mom's age, but I'm guessing you're somewhere around 40-45, and your mom somewhere around 65-70.
|
BTW, Kats: take care with throwing those "old" numbers around, buddy.
Quote:
If I'm correct, it looks like someone who has taken no precautions with regard to becoming old. My father is the same. He's been living in this huge-ass house with a 57m x 10m garden.
I doubt I and my sister can get him to move to some sort of a senior apartment or something. While he can still live there with the help of some occasional cleaning help once every week to do the big stuff, I can see he's unable to keep up the house.
Nothing has been done since he's pensioned off 20 years ago (after 40 years as a coal miner and construction worker, 77 now), and I can just see the house become worse and worse. If he lives another 10 years or more, it'll just deteriorate further; especially the kitchen.
|
Unfortunately, I have some experience with this issue, more than a few times.
It seems that some families just cannot deal directly with the topics of finances, wills, death and aging/disability. In my own family, despite the fact that it has its own traumas and denial, etc., the topics of wills, aging/nursing care, etc., was in the daylight. Everybody knew the terms of all wills, who was executing what, who was the trustee for whom, and who went where, when ill. At least that much was done. But then, my mother died, very unexpectedly, and we were left with my Gran, who was living with her (even though we'd tried, repeatedly, to move my Gran to an assisted living facility, b/c...well, to prevent what then happened). While I
know that there was little else I could have done, but to put her in a nursing facility (alzheimers' that needed 24/7 care), I still torture myself about it. Because my mother didn't do what needed doing, (and what my Gran, when in her right mind, had SAID she wanted, mind you!), and make sure that Gran was in a good assisted-living place, all sorts of disasters ensued. It was MUCH harder on my Gran, and us, than it should have been, because by the time we had to institutionalize her, it was like abandoning a child. It was simply horrible. For everyone.
I realize--I do--that NOBODY wants to lose their independence. And until you put someone in a nursing home, you don't realize what it is--it's prison. Now, it can be a nice prison, and all that, with wonderful people--but it's prison. (My grandmother engineered more than a few fiendish escapes.) You lose all ability to run your own life, essentially. When it hits you--when you see what it is--you start to seriously think about how to solve your own problems, to put it delicately, when the time comes.
I think that the huge problem that I see is because NOBODY wants to deal with it, they ALWAYS put it off until it's far too late. If elderly folks that were losing their abilities (physical/mental) could find assisted-living facilities, with other active adults in their own age range, they could AT LEAST make friends, and acquaintances, and find things that they like doing. That way, as they further age, etc., they can still KEEP those friends, (if you find a facility that has multiple stages of care).
But, if you WAIT and WAIT and WAIT, then, suddenly, you have an adult-sized five-year old on your hands, or worse, a 2-y.o. (I had one that was a 98lb. 2-y.o. You just don't appreciate what that's like, until it happens). They know NO ONE at this new facility, and b/c they are now incapacitated, both mentally/physically (or worse, physically only!), they're TRAPPED and they feel abandoned, etc.
We have this right now, with a family member who's just hit 95. He was healthy, fit, active, really, until two years ago. Then, he had some physical challenges, and sure, he'd forget things from time to time, but now? Kablammo, it's like he went downhill overnight. (Frog, meet boiling water.)
He cannot live alone. Period. So, we have to figure out what to do with his house (very valuable), his possessions, where he's going to live (has a dog!), etc. He'd been making noises about an assisted-living facility, near where he lives, for the last 1-2 years, but NOW, he's too far gone to live there. He had friends who lived there, and now, he can't, b/c he needs more than "assisted" living. He needs nursing care.
It's just frustrating and upsetting as hell. If we would all just put on our big boy panties, and recognize time will happen to us all, that we'll deteriorate as we age, instead of having that magical and almost impossible sudden heart-attack-in-your-sleep, we'd make provisions, so as NOT to make our families' lives so encumbered with these types of decisions.
FWIW.
Hitch