[Hitch]

Originally Posted by Peto

Thought I might answer these comments, at least the ones which have an objective answer, for whomever might be interested. I'll try to be accurate:

-Target audience: from 17 and older. The story is a tad violent for younger people, I think.

Only you can address that. It's unlikely that the rest of us will know whether or not it's suitable, as so far, I'm not guessing that most of the folks here will be reading it.

-Amateur writer: True, I am not a pro.

YOU ARE NOW. This is probably the worst thing, ever--that so many writers think that because they're not trade-pubbed, it's "okay" to say, "I'm just an ammy, but--pay for my work." Choose. Either put your work up for free, and call yourself an amateur--or be a professional. If you want money for your work, you're a pro, and should behave and PAY like a pro.

-Amazon Stars: Some are from colleagues, of course, but they actually lower the average. 7 reviews are however not very meaningful, I agree. Time should tell. The book is doing fine, considering I am nobody. I have also requested reviews from about 80 reviewers from TheIndieView.com., from whom 10 already accepted. They will take a while but their reviews are thorough. Again, time will tell.

But, their reviews stay on IR, right? Won't help you at Amazon.

-Cover: The cover was made by the very same guy who made the cover art for Mark Knopfler's last soundtrack album. You might still find it cheap, anyway. But that's the fact.

Someday, an author will come to my shop, knowing that a cover is a single thing--clickbait. Nothing more.

-I paid the best reputed Fiverr proofreader I could hire, pencilprincess7, for a cleaning. Paid $120. Not much, I know, but US prices are seen differently from abroad. Should have paid three or four times that or higher for a pro proofread, but I simply cannot afford it.

Well, the old adage, you get what you pay for, is holding true. There's a reason that real editors, development editors, charge thousands. There's a reason that a typical proofreader earns 4-5x what your charged you. While the first "page" or so is quite clean, I've suddenly found a number of errors in two sentences--"matt black" should be "matte black," and "Two long fine cables, which ended in small round sticky pads, were plugged into one of its sides." The commas aren't quite WRONG, but there's no reason for them. Both should go. They are doing nothing but slowing down the pace of the story.

While I appreciate that you were setting the stage, with the opening scene, I'd have told you to move it later in the book. Build it in someplace else. In this day and age, you have to open in the middle of the action, even dialogue. I'd have told you to start with the first line of dialogue "Ha ha ha..." in your first chapter. It would have been easy to modify that first paragraph to follow the opening set of dialogue, and pulled the reader into the story faster.

Moreover, a decent editor would have told you to eliminate many of your adverbs and descriptions. You use them a lot. I appreciate that you're trying to paint a mental image of the area, and what the characters are doing, but there are BETTER ways to do that. You describe everything. Constantly. You literally can't get through two sentences without it. Dusty earth. Shiny metal. "Sandy pallor" of the "shaded areas" contrasting with the "rich reddish tones" and "darkening blue hues" crossed by "still peaceful" clouds. That's one damn sentence. It's not godawful, please understand--I've seen a lot worse--but it's a tell. For anyone in publishing, or who reads constantly, it's an instant tell: first book! First book! And more importantly, again: it slows the reader's absorption into the story. This is writing you'd have seen 100 years ago, and while that was fine then, it's not a style that appeals widely today.

-No friends or family read this book. At all. There is a very simple reason, but I will keep it to myself for now.

Well, if you're like many, you just don't want them to know you're writing. Fair 'nuff.

-Expenditure: Already answered in part. There were some promotion costs, but not much at this time. I have a notion to invest more in the next promo, but that will be after I have a relevant number of trustworthy reviews. And it won't be a giveaway. Amazon's algorithms have changed.

Can't speak to that.

-A digital book is never finished. They tend to have a life of their own. I have already uploaded v1.42 to Amazon. Added a small image and corrected some typos. And there will be an illustrated edition further ahead. Anyone who got v1.0 and wants to get the freshest version, only need to request it at mail@WestonWestmoreland.com.

AND, this? I violently object to this, and I disagree. If I see that an author has uploaded "new" versions, to Amazon? I won't bother to buy that book. Or anything else that she's written. There's nothing worse, to me, than some writer thinking that I'm PAYING my money to be his critique group. To me, that's arrogant and utterly unwarranted. I can get free ARCS from trade-published authors who want my feedback. Why on earth would I pay to be yours?

That's the bad news in the digital, self-publishing age. Just because word-processors CAN change text doesn't mean that a book should never be done. If you expect people to pay, you better put out the very best version of that book that you can, and then move on to your next one.

Didn't think I was snarking. I just answered freely and as truthfully as I could. If it sounded like snarking, I apologize. I do welcome honest, well-intended feedback, even when it does not sound as I could wish, or while I do not always necessarily agree.

It is my first book. If that is a reason for some people not to buy it, they should know.

No, they oughtn't. They should not be able to know, unless your work is so bad that they can tell, themselves, unaided, by the LITB.

Look, I've seen a LOT worse, I have. But you should get into a critique group--many are FREE, so there's no excuse not to--and work on polishing your writing. Don't keep rewriting this--you've published it, it's done. Work on your next book.

And don't assume that your paying readers are your critique group, or that they'd be amused to find out that version 5 exists because the version that they PAID FOR and already read is crappy. How would you feel about that, if it were you?

Good luck. Get a critique or writer's group. A real one, not some half-assed Internet thing where everyone sits around giving each other **** jobs about how great they and their books are. Take a CW course, and get REAL feedback from an actual published author. Take your book to Critters.org, and get feedback from a bunch of SFWA authors.

Oh, and I'm with Cins--there's nothing "cute" or "mischievous" about a cover with text I can't read. It's another #1 new author mistake--that just means that prospective buyers will pass on by. Nobody is going to click your cover, to read your "cleverly placed text." Use CoverCritics.com for your covers. Grow and learn.

Hitch