Quote:
Originally Posted by DMcCunney
It does indeed.
An old friend is coping with a variant. She's the younger sister in a family of four, with two brothers (whose ages I don't know.) She put her life and career on hold to be elder care for her aged mother, living in the family home and seeing to the various things mom couldn't do herself.
Elder sister was made executrix of the estate and had mom's medical proxy. Elder sister is also one of those folks firmly convinced that she knows better and must be in control, and was unhappy that younger sister was being mom's caregiver. (Never mind that elder sister is married with her own house, and not available to do the job - only to complain about how it's being done.) Elder sister's personality also alienated various other folks like mom's doctors, and some of the things elder sister did arguably shortened mom's life.
So my friend is still living in the family home that might just be sold out from under her, waiting for elder sister to reveal the provisions of mom's will and which way things will settle.
My own take is that she's in a dysfunctional family, and mom made the wrong call by anointing elder sister as executrix of the will and holder of the medical proxy. I'm sympathetic, and won't actually come out and say "You realize that your mom screwed you, despite the fact that you devoted years to caring for her...", but I think it hard whenever we talk.
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Dennis
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As an older sister, who was the Executrix, and having read Rumple's tale, what I can say is that Rumple's story, and Dennis' post, is that WILLS ARE FREAKING IMPORTANT, people! Just because it's unpleasant to think about your death doesn't mean that they don't matter.
(n.b.: it's bizarre to me that the Executrix hasn't "revealed" the terms of the Will. Weren't copies given to the devisees?)
Being the executor/trix is a thankless damn job. Not saying that the elder sister in your story, Dennis, isn't the PITA that you've described, but I can tell you that I never wanted to be the executrix--nor, BTW, the POA for life/death/eol decisions--but my parents chose me because above all, they trusted me
to be honest about the money, etc., (irony alert) and more importantly to them--they knew I'd pull the plug, on a machine, if needed. They didn't trust my sibs to do that. They also trusted me to try my best to keep certain family members from blowing through inheritances--and gosh, thanks for
that job, Mom and Dad! I get to be the parent that you never were.
Terrific.
In endless gratitude for the exhausting chores of being the executrix (flying 2500 miles, each way, multiple times, to empty out/clean a house that was
not 20 miles away from each of them, mind you), I was not only harassed by one of my sibs,
constantly, for money (family trust, of which, lucky me, I was the Trustee), contrary to the express desires stated in the Trust documents, but
accused of absconding with the proceeds of the sale of said house, too. People think that somehow, it's
okay to say outrageous things, when they're grieving, or when discussing their own family member's actions around a will, or this or that, and that you'll forget--but do you think I'll
ever forget that my own sibs accused me of stealing their money? Ever forgive it? When I never even paid myself either a trustee's fee, an executor's fee, or even reimbursed my [extensive] travel expenses? Not bloody likely. Those relationships are now damaged for life.
Anyway: the point is, because Rumple's GF didn't want to hurt somebody's feelings, or name this in a will, or do that, or just didn't want to face his own mortality, this entire mess has been created. Rumple's father obviously also trusted his brother--or didn't want to raise a fuss, about the right-of-first-refusal arrangement--presumably, and, yet again, a mess ensues.
Rumple, I'm sorry for you, but I hope that at least, if you DO end up doing something with the store, you get EVERYTHING in iron-clad contracts/writing/wills/trusts/whatever.
Don't make the same mistakes that, quite honestly, your dad did. He trusted his dad, to do the right thing, and he didn't; and he trusted your uncle, and
ditto. He should have told your GF to write it up, or no dice, and the same with his brother. Especially as he already knew his brother's character, apparently.
Not to lecture your Dad. He's had enough bad breaks in this scenario. But people will always be true to who they are--whether they do something overtly crappy, like your Uncle, or they accuse someone of something that they themselves would have done (like stealing, and anthropomorphizing that I'd done that to THEM). Money, in my experience, doesn't make people into better human beings--it makes all the worst sides of their character emerge. Whatever you do about that store--assuming that the courts uphold your side--make sure that YOU PROTECT YOURSELF. Family or not--don't fail to do that.
Good luck on your case.
Hitch