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Actually I am female so yes your target audience. Oh and my apologies, I thought that was the beginning of the book. If it is in the middle, it might make sense. I understood where you were trying to go and wasn't trying to be negative. Just giving a small tip. I did read the rest. It was pretty good especially for a first draft. I think you can go far.
Oh and I figured from the first sentence, you were male. I looked at your profile.
Now I will give you some other advice, if you thought I was negative: write if you want to, publish if you want to but don't ever read your reviews. I guarantee it won't be pretty.
Oh if you want a challenge, see if Donald Rump is still doing 8 or 24 hour challenges. Those are all short stories. The challenge is write and publish a story within 24 hours.
And if I am around, I do on occasion proofread short stories of writers I think have potential.
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