Quote:
Originally Posted by DMcCunney
Years back I had a fascinating conversation with a woman I knew. She had serious concerns about her current boyfriend.
It was obvious that she wasn't thinking "boyfriend", she was thinking "potential husband and father to the children I want to have", and aspects of his behavior made him doubt he was suitable in that role. Enjoyable boyfriend? Yes. Husband and father? No.
All I could say was "Don't assume you can change him. That's a pernicious myth that has made too many women come to grief. "Oh, he has problems but I can change him!" No. You can't. What you see is what you'll get. Look at what you have now, and ask yourself whether it's what you could deal with for the next 20 or 30 years. If the answer is no, look elsewhere. Couples do change each other, but it's like water eroding a stream bed, and takes years and years."
Fortunately, she already knew she was unlikely to change him, and he wouldn't stop what she didn't like simply because she wanted him to. She'd already figured out he wasn't a good long term prospect, and simply wanted a second opinion as a check on her perceptions.
Having had a life that has sometimes resembled a soap opera, I was somewhat bemused at playing Wise Uncle Dennis to a younger friend, but if I can use things I learned the hard way to spare others grief, I'll happily do it.
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Dennis
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Oh we have both changed and given up bad habits, but it was a mutual agreement.
But then, he has been through so many changes at his job, by this point we are hoping to hang on at least 8 more months.
And I have lost count of how many managers he has been through and coworkers is an even bigger number. I would say 100's of coworkers.