Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinisajoy
My best advice is accept each other and don't try to change the other person.
Also don't go into the relationship thinking it has to be perfect.
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Years back I had a fascinating conversation with a woman I knew. She had serious concerns about her current boyfriend.
It was obvious that she wasn't thinking "boyfriend", she was thinking "potential husband and father to the children I want to have", and aspects of his behavior made her doubt he was suitable in that role. Enjoyable boyfriend? Yes. Husband and father? No.
All I could say was "Don't assume you can change him. That's a pernicious myth that has made too many women come to grief. "Oh, he has problems but I can change him!" No. You can't. What you see is what you'll get. Look at what you have now, and ask yourself whether it's what you could deal with for the next 20 or 30 years. If the answer is no, look elsewhere. Couples
do change each other, but it's like water eroding a stream bed, and takes years and years."
Fortunately, she already knew she was unlikely to change him, and he wouldn't stop what she didn't like simply because she wanted him to. She'd already figured out he wasn't a good long term prospect, and simply wanted a second opinion as a check on her perceptions.
Having had a life that has sometimes resembled a soap opera, I was somewhat bemused at playing Wise Uncle Dennis to a younger friend, but if I can use things I learned the hard way to spare others grief, I'll happily do it.
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Dennis