I can only speak for myself, others certainly have different opinions. First, it's too short. Yes, it's part 1 and the price is very low, but I personally prefer novel-length books, even if they're more expensive. But then, I've never been a fan of novellas or serial novels. I want nice fat doorstoppers in my epic fantasy menu.
Second, the tone is a bit too formal/solemn for me. Mind you, that's purely personal preference too and certainly there are many fantasy fans out there not bothered by your style at all. But I personally would like a bit more natural style, especially in dialogue.
That's my two cents, anyway. If your book was 500 pages instead of 150, I would be tempted, regardless of the formal tone.