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meeera · 10-06-2016, 10:24 PM

The second is a lot better than the first. I'd rethink the term 'feeble', though. What do you actually mean? Thin? Sick? Floppy/low tone? Not hitting milestones?

(I'd also suggest having someone med-pick your manuscript, if you haven't already. For example, a baby that is truly in a lot of medical trouble often doesn't cry, but shuts down to conserve energy. Which is dangerous as it can be interpreted as 'a good baby' who is happy and satisfied.).

10-06-2016, 10:24 PM	#3
meeera Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,872 Karma: 68964058 Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Australia Device: Kobo Libra 2, iPadMini4, iPad4, MBP; support other Kobo/Kindles	The second is a lot better than the first. I'd rethink the term 'feeble', though. What do you actually mean? Thin? Sick? Floppy/low tone? Not hitting milestones? (I'd also suggest having someone med-pick your manuscript, if you haven't already. For example, a baby that is truly in a lot of medical trouble often doesn't cry, but shuts down to conserve energy. Which is dangerous as it can be interpreted as 'a good baby' who is happy and satisfied.). Last edited by meeera; 10-06-2016 at 10:27 PM.