Received a replacement last night... let me rephrase that.
I came home to find an unexpected FedEx door tag telling me I could pick up my package after 7:00 PM, 45 mins across town, typical Kobo fashion.
Anyhow, after arriving back home around 8:30, letting it charge up to 30% before I could set it up, sometime around 9:45... to my surprise, the screen on the replacement is almost flawless.
Better than the dark gray blotch (green w/ natural light on) that took up about a square inch at the bottom of the screen on the first one.
I'm happy now.
I finally feel like I can start enjoying this reader.
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