[Pajamaman]

I read the first chapter in Amazon previewer. Yeah, there's a couple of funny sentences, but really the grammar and style are overall okay, and don't get in the way of the pace of the writing. So I disagree with the previous comment about typos.

I thought the first chapter has pace and so will appeal to readers of this type of story.

Edit: You jump around with POV a lot, and you get away with it. However, at the end of the first chapter you talk about the guy's face going pale and looking like a skull, but at that point you are in his POV, so how does he see his face go pale, etc? That could get you into trouble later on.