Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinisajoy
Why do I think I have heard about you? I don't remember if it was on the internet or on TV, but I think you were featured on the 10 smartest people in the world.
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Actually, certain professionally measured tests claim my IQ is "unprecedented, and too high to measure accurately". And even after "truncating" two of the most important scores to factor into IQ, I was still "one out of five million" (which means quite literally that there are many hundreds of folks smarter than me out there, not just nine or ten -- well, except for that "truncation" factor, which might make me "number one", whatever that means). And more than one "shrink" said they would be "filthy rich" if they had a tiny portion of what I have left after my traumatic brain injury (why I had those tests in the first place). But what is money anyway, when you cannot buy happiness?
And really, when you take hands-on reality into account, what good is test-taking ability when daily life and social situations make no logical sense? "Smart" is a relative thing. Friends and family are upset that I never got rich enough to support them in style -- but money was so artificial and meaningless to me (except now that I finally NEED some). Life is "highly illogical". I get too easily trapped and befuddled by internet trolls (or whatever interests my "muse" pushes into my mind). That supposedly "much too high" IQ just makes me feel guilty I cannot save the world from itself. The shrinks finally convinced me that saving the world is not my job -- the dinosaurs died off making room for us to evolve, and when we go extinct, we will leave room for the next dominant species. I can accept that...
My "industry-wide
reputation" was mostly known in corporate boardrooms, not on TV. I do not watch TV. And my past accomplishments matter far less than the great things I have ahead of me. Sadly, even as a child (when gradeschool teachers sent Calculus books home with me, and stuff like that), I knew THEN that I already had enough projects to last me SIX lifetimes. Now it is in the hundreds...
I did have one of my own projects featured on the cover of Scientific American magazine, but my name was nowhere to be found -- my "bosses" took all the credit. And many other accomplishments too, but they are all in the past. Existential dilemmas get in the way of meaningful existence. Do I want to leave my mark on the world, or shall I tread lightly and not disturb the natural order?
My "potential" is meaningless if it remains unrealized, and it is a huge source of guilt for all the things I "could" have done. And as I age, life just keeps getting more difficult, not easier. I cannot trade this old body in on a new one, so I need a team of young folks to help me achieve my goals. But where are they?