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"Prisoner at the bar you have, once again regretfully, been brought before me following trial; you have spent 18 years at her Majesty's Pleasure, received 15 lashes of the Cat, been keel-hauled beneath the entire fleet and racked to within a half an inch of your life, you have also experienced a most terrible incarceration within the deepest dungeon of the Tower under the loving embrace of the most ancient of Iron Maidens, and had to endure 15 hours of Barry Manilow recordings followed by a stretching of the neck, a drawing of the limbs and a quartering of the body; it is, however my painful duty to advise you that you are now eligible for parole".
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