|
Paul did wonderful. Now I will do the same with that first paragraph.
The fall always fell quickly in the Northern Lands, especially in the east. The ocean winds would blow inland, sending deer into a frenzy to escape the hunters as winter began to creep up on the unsuspecting countryside. Still, it was always a few weeks before any real hunting began; most of the hunters in the east were farmers, and would spend their days harvesting the crops they had tended to all summer long."
You jumped from fall to winter. Left me confused.
In your first sentence do you mean fall arrives quickly or fall leaves quickly.
The second sentence shows you know very little about deer or hunting.
Now how is a countryside unsuspecting?
In all honesty, it looks like something just thrown together at the last minute.
To be an actual novel, it needs a lot of work. I think the reason you haven't gotten many criticisms is because your audience is doing the same thing you are. Writing fast and not thinking about the quality.
My best advice is get away from the Web novel and focus on actually writing a book. Do not just publish something because it is Tuesday, Friday or a random Monday.
I think just from the opening, you might do good but it needs to be clearer to be an actual book.
I will read more later.
|