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LazyScot · 01-05-2009, 03:02 PM

Montsnmags Enterprises
Alcohol and Hallucinogens
Subscriptions Department

Dear Entity,

I wish to cancel my subscription to your "services" with immediate effect.

I also wish to complain about the sales tactics of your agent. Although I admit my memory of events is somewhat shaky as I had just tasted a 50ml sample of the "Zany Carter", I feel this was the agent taking unfair advantage of the impact this drink had on my mental faculties. There are several points I wish to raise in complaint. Firstly, I had expected the sample to arrive on a monthly and not 4-hourly basis. Secondly, I had expected a "normal" delivery process and not intra-cranial teleportation of the sample cocktails. Thirdly, I was not made aware of the delivery side effects (*). Fourthly, I has assumed that the subscription was payable in GB pounds.

Your sincerely,

A very frazzled LazyScot.

(*) To be specific The delivery is accompanied by:

a light-display made of colours that cannot possibly exist, and if they did, would be classified as weapons of mass displacement,
a set of smells that are the nasal equivalent of a Pratchetian sense of humour uncarefully blended with the experiences of Thomas de Quincey,
a feeling of being wrapped in a very large warm fluffy dressing gown/robe and then pushed backwards into a very deep jacuzzi set to 15 minute lobster.

01-05-2009, 03:02 PM	#469
LazyScot DSil Posts: 3,201 Karma: 6895096 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Hants, UK Device: Kindle, Cybook	Montsnmags Enterprises Alcohol and Hallucinogens Subscriptions Department Dear Entity, I wish to cancel my subscription to your "services" with immediate effect. I also wish to complain about the sales tactics of your agent. Although I admit my memory of events is somewhat shaky as I had just tasted a 50ml sample of the "Zany Carter", I feel this was the agent taking unfair advantage of the impact this drink had on my mental faculties. There are several points I wish to raise in complaint. Firstly, I had expected the sample to arrive on a monthly and not 4-hourly basis. Secondly, I had expected a "normal" delivery process and not intra-cranial teleportation of the sample cocktails. Thirdly, I was not made aware of the delivery side effects (). Fourthly, I has assumed that the subscription was payable in GB pounds. Your sincerely, A very frazzled LazyScot. () To be specific The delivery is accompanied by: a light-display made of colours that cannot possibly exist, and if they did, would be classified as weapons of mass displacement, a set of smells that are the nasal equivalent of a Pratchetian sense of humour uncarefully blended with the experiences of Thomas de Quincey, a feeling of being wrapped in a very large warm fluffy dressing gown/robe and then pushed backwards into a very deep jacuzzi set to 15 minute lobster.