Is the character "Kal" an American? If not, why would he or she be "thinking" in American English? That takes me right out of the story. I also agree that it's too flowery, in particular the sentence:
Quote:
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With exactitude she'd been tutored in how to assess someone from a few snatches of conversation and how to read body language and the subtle messages people tried so hard to hide.
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The word order is awkward; it feels clumsy to start a sentence with the phrase "with exactitude".