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Old 10-15-2015, 03:43 PM   #159
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell
Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Gregg Bell ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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Posts: 2,266
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Itasca, Illinois
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmw View Post
There's a problem with both of them. The first paragraph is all present tense: "is stoked", "thinks it's the perfect". The second paragraph is past tense: "was wrong". Then the third paragraph is back to present tense again.

Other than that ... no, I don't really like those ones as much as the previous two choices.
Thanks gmw. I knew the tense was an issue but I just hoped if I ignored it everyone else would too. (It was worth a shot.)

And I'm pretty ambivalent about these two. To me it seems like quite a jump from thinking she's got the perfect job to being on the run with a baby. Do we not get any idea why? At first I thought that gap might be good. Not I'm not so sure.
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