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Priscilla Spencer on Sf Signal

Priscilla Spencer is a Dallas native transplanted to L.A., currently finishing up an MFA in Film and TV Production at USC. She’s a Writer, Producer, Production Designer, and Fantasy Map Illustrator who enjoys shipping fictional characters, the Oxford comma, and lavishing schnoogles on other people’s dogs. Her maps can be found in the works of Jim Butcher, Kevin Hearne, Myke Cole, Saladin Ahmed, and Harry Connolly, and you can snag prints at www.priscellie.com .

How much fun would it be to commit monstrous mayhem alongside the ladies of Rat Queens? Those “booze-guzzling, death-dealing battle maidens-for-hire” are the perfect antidote to my Hermionelike existence. (Seriously, I spent 14 years at “Miss Ela Hockaday’s School for Girls.” Our mascot was the Killer Daisy, and our crest had a unicorn. I needed this comic in my life.) These willful women are hilarious, courageous, fun, and unrepentantly vulgar. Bring it.

Pure bias and loyalty necessitate that I also nominate Harry Dresden from “The Dresden Files,” because not only would his deadpan snark make fighting the monsters a heck of a lot more entertaining, but he has a history of overcoming astronomical odds. He also tends to inspire acts of heroism and general badassery in those around him, and said comparatively vanilla allies tend to survive the day, albeit with a few minor exceptions. I wouldn’t mind leveling up in heroics and kicking a little monster butt, myself. Plus, we’d probably go for a celebratory meal at Mac’s afterward, which sounds awesome, assuming Mac didn’t kick me out of the bar for asking for a gluten-free menu.

Ellen Ripley, Eowyn, Kamala Khan, October Daye, and any number of Pratchett’s heroines have pretty great pedigrees for putting monsters down, namely Granny Weatherwax, Tiffany Aching, and Susan Sto-Helit. And while we’re on Pratchett, Sam Vimes once arrested a dragon and defeated an ancient evil while shouting the words to a children’s book, so he’d make a great monster-slaying partner.

However, depending on the scale of supernatural nastiness, it may be prudent to take the burden off the above underdogs to pull off the impossible and find someone with genuinely godlike powers. Heck, if we’re talking pure, pie-in-the-sky, unrestricted ally selection, why not pull out some of the biggest guns the genre has to offer? Dr. Manhattan from Watchmen has near-omnipotence to level at his enemies, but his emotional distance from humanity makes him an unpredictable option to have at one’s side. So at the risk of being kicked off this article for being a cheating cheater who cheats, I’m going to go with post-ascension Sazed, from the Mistborn series: a genuinely good-hearted, loyal, wise dude who becomes a literal god. What greater presence could one have on their team? Unless my death and/or enmanglement was required to preserve Harmony, which would suck. Maybe it’s best to keep my teammate mortal after all. Harry, you busy tonight?