Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell
Seventeen-year-old Annie Rebarchek is on the run with a baby. The police are closing in.
Annie thought the nanny position she’d landed working for billionaire Houston Monroe was the perfect summer job. She was wrong. Now she’s finding out what life is like with the world turned against her.
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Reading the first sentence, I immediately think it's HER bsby and she's running from the police because she's been accused of some crime or someone's trying to take her kid away from her. I don't get that she's rescuing someone else's baby.
Then I read the second sentence ("nanny position") and I have to disrupt my initial impression.
I really don't like the last sentence--it feels too cliched, plus most teenagers probably feel like the world's against them half the time anyway!
If you're revising again, I'd suggest going back to your first blurb and maybe working in the line about "heeding the baby's cry."