Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell
[...]Yeah, it's a little clunky. But at the same times it conveys a lot and keeps the punchiness going.
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I'd still be inclined to experiment with variations. "Annie grows increasingly alarmed as the baby's health fades, but can she ..." or "The baby's health fades and Annie grows increasingly alarmed, but can she ...". If you see what I mean. It's not that the sentence is wrong, it's just the way that it's put together that make its awkward.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gregg Bell
Seventeen-year-old Annie Rebarchek is on the run with a baby. The police are closing in.
Annie thought the nanny position she’d landed working for billionaire Houston Monroe was the perfect summer job. She was wrong. Now she’s finding out what life is like with the world turned against her.
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Nah, too short. ... Just kidding! ... Sort of.
I like it ... but: As Catlady observed with my abbreviation attempts, it does sound a little remote, less personal. Also, that second paragraph is a tad clichéd (always a risk when striving for short). However it does dispel the possible romance feel that some of the previous ones suggested. I'm tempted to suggest that you need to find a compromise between the two.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinisajoy
Love the flashback.
So when can we expect this book?
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As soon as we stop hassling him with quibbles about the blurb.
